Gays on a Plane
by SilentProtagonist000
Summary: Well, they're actually not on the plane yet, and with the way Stan is acting, Kyle is afraid they never will be. [Dialogue fic] [Style]


**A/N: Big Blue Eyes is on semi-permanent hiatus. I'll let you guys know if I decide to revive it. In the meantime, enjoy this short dialogue fic.**

* * *

"Bomb."

"What?"

"Bomb."

"Stan, what the fuck?"

"Bomb. Bomb, bomb, bomb."

"Stan, unless you shut the hell up, I will kick you in the balls so hard that you will still taste the tip of my shoe on your tongue two days from now."

"I can say whatever I want, Kyle. Airport security is not going to infringe on my constitutional rights to say specific words or phrases. Bomb. Al-Qaeda. Anthrax. Violent plane hijacking. Nipple clamp bombs."

"No, but they have every right to infringe on your constitutional stupidity. If you get arrested, it's not my damn problem. I'll just get on the plane to Vegas and spend the vacation we've been planning together for months all alone."

"Good for you. Terrorist. Muslim. Allah Akbar. Bomb."

"Great, now you're being a racist."

"Hey, it's a statistical fact that the TSA performs more so-called 'random checks' on males of Middle Eastern heritage or those who may resemble said heritage. Therefore, it's still considered a negative thing to say in an airport. I'm trying to draw as many strange looks as possible. Bomb."

"If you're going to throw around incendiary words in a high-security environment like this, I'm ditching you. If we're approached, I don't know you. I've never known you. I don't even know what you look like naked, if anyone asks."

"I know what _you_ look like naked, fire crotch."

"I'm going to piss down your laundry chute."

"I'd like that. Bomb."

"Did you have too much to drink at the airport lounge or something? Goddammit, Stan, I knew we should've taken the train."

"There's still alcohol on the train, you know. It's also more easily accessible. Go get me another glass of wine."

"What's the magic word?"

"My cock."

"That's the magic phrase, not the magic word."

"Bomb."

"Fuck you. No more wine."

"Fine! That's fine! Fuck wine. And fuck you too, Kyle. I don't need anymore damn wine. I'll piss myself if I drink any more wine, anyway. Get me a beer."

"Drinking beer is not going to solve your bladder issues."

"Bomb."

"Stan, cut it out, seriously. There's a huge guy in a TSA uniform looking right this way and I'm terrified. You're going to get your ass kicked."

"I am not. I could kick his ass first any day. Look at how fat he is. His buttons might pop and take out someone's eye. I'll bet sinking one into him is like fisting a jelly roll. And he's like, ninety, I swear to God."

"Great, now he's coming over here. Do me a favor and shut the hell up."

"Bomb?"

"Can it, retard!"

_"__Young men, is there something going on over here?"_

"Sir, please excuse my boyfriend's behavior. He's had a bit much to drink at the airport lounge and our flight will be taking off in a few minutes, so I promise he'll be out of your hair soo-"

"You could afford to lose a few pounds, Tubby."

"Stan, what did I just tell you?!"

_"__Pardon me? What did you just say?"_

"I SAID YOU'RE A FATASS, YOU DRIBBLING OLD—"

"STAN, I AM GOING TO BREAK YOUR LEGS!"

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY, CARROT TOP! I COULD BREAK YOU WITH MY DICK ALONE!"

_"__If you two don't quiet down, I'll have to escort you out of the airport."_

"Escort this, crumb-fuck."

"Stan, did you just flip him the bird?!"

_"__I'm going to pretend I didn't see that."_

"If you don't behave yourself, Stan, I'm revoking sex for a week."

"But-! Kyle, we're going to be in Vegas for the next week!"

"You heard me. No. More. Sex."

"…"

"Apologize to this nice man."

"… Sorry for being an asshole, sir."

_"… __All right, then. You boys enjoy your trip, I guess."_

"Now, Stan, are you done?"

"I suppose. The booze is wearing off. Messing with random old men got boring quick."

"I noticed you didn't utter the forbidden word during that whole exchange."

"What, bomb?"

"Stan!"

"I guess it's out of my system now or something. It doesn't seem as entertaining anymore. I guess I'll have to pick a new word or phrase to scream to the heavens. Sex trafficking. Dildo. Eggplant. Hey, did you know there's actually an eggplant emoji?"

"You're definitely still drunk."

"See, let me show you. I'll get my phone. What do you think?"

"Are you unzipping your pants?"

"I'm going to show you the eggplant emoji."

"No, you're just going to show me your dick. I've seen that a million times. Sit still and quiet down or else the sex threat stands."

"I'd literally kill myself if you followed through with that."

"No."

"With a bomb."

"I can't even—"

_"__Flight 2748 service from Denver to Las Vegas will be begin boarding shortly. We will begin with first class passengers and those with disabilities. Please be ready to show us your boarding passes and photo ID." _

"We're in first class. You ready?"

"Shit, I lost my boarding pass, Kyle."

"You WHAT?!"

"I'm just messing with you, dude. Let's get this vacation started."

"We're five hours into it, and I'm already exhausted from your nonsense."

"… _bomb._"

"Did you say something, Stan?"

"Nothing, babe. Nothing."


End file.
